I have received emails and comments from people reaching out to me to tell their story of spiritual abuse by The Village Church after hearing about the bravery of Karen Hinkley in telling her story. I will dedicate this post to sharing some of these stories I have received. I will add to this post as I receive any additional stories. If you would like to remain anonymous, please let me know.
In this first story, the writer's name has been changed to "John." His wife's name has been changed to "Jane."
Story 1:
I just read your blog entry about Karen Root and her situation regarding The Village Church and I must say that while this is an extremely sad and troubling situation, I am personally glad that you and a few others have made the decision to bring this kind of hierarchical treatment of a congregation to the forefront.
My wife "Jane" was a "Covenant Member" at the Dallas Northway campus when we started dating in the fall of 2011. I had just gone through a divorce from my first wife, with whom I served in a full-time ministry position at a smaller church in rural east Texas for 5 years prior, because she was unfaithful to our marriage. Long story short, I began attending TVC with "Jane" on a weekly basis and attempted to get involved in a men's home group over then next 6-8 months (to no avail). I was hurting SO badly, but I had prayed about it quite a bit and I was more than ready to get back into serving in some way. I began talking to the music minister, Isaac Wimberly, and told him of my former role as a music minister and said I was wide open and more than willing to help. He had me go through the membership seminar/class with Steve Hardin himself. When I was filling out the literal paper application to be considered for church membership, I checked that I was divorced. That's when it all began.
The assistant campus pastor, Mason King, began calling and emailing me asking me to meet with him and some of the "elders" to discuss my potential involvement in the music ministry. I agreed, not knowing any better, and what followed marked the end of my time at TVC.
I met with Mr. King, Isaac, and another young man over lunch one Sunday. It was then that they began asking me about my divorce and basically told me that I couldn't be considered for membership or serve in the band until I went through months of recovery classes, etc. They also told me I needed to break up with "Jane" because she was a covenant member and our relationship was not what was best for her. They recommended I reconcile with my ex-wife because even though I claimed, and she admitted, she was unfaithful, I had no proof of her wrongdoing and to remain divorced from her would be un-biblical. I, a grown man, have not cried harder to this very day than I did as I drove home from that lunch meeting.
"Jane" and I, who had based our relationship on Christ since it started, began praying that day about her removing herself from "fellowship" because we felt like I had been kicked while I was trying to crawl back out of my life's lowest point.
She met with multiple elders (at their request) who encouraged her time and time again to break up with me because of my past and my need to heal under proper guidance. She refused each time and finally stopped attending services there.
We got engaged on 01/01/2013 and within a week after the pictures were posted on Facebook, "Jane" received a physical letter from Steve Hardin removing her from fellowship with TVC for not submitting to the elders' and the church's discipline and guidance. "We know that you are now engaged to "John," against the church's wishes and best biblical guidance for you..." When I read the communication between Mrs. Root and Steve Hardin, it eerily took me straight back to the countless emails and the final letter from that church.
"Jane" and I have been happily married since June 2013, we just had our first child in March 2015, and we are active "partners" at a younger, growing, and extremely forgiving church here in Dallas where I serve in the music ministry and "Jane" on the welcome team.
Whenever we share with people our experiences at The Village Church, they all have an extremely hard time believing it. Thank you, again, for putting this information out there. I am glad to know there are still people who truly aspire to be like Christ in all ways possible.
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Story 2:
Steve Hardin in particular is very cruel when it comes to "caring" for his flock. While members of TVC, and attenders of the Dallas campus, my husband and I were subjected to "discipline", after Steve Hardin heard me say , "Oh hush" to my husband. After several months of ridiculousness, we changed locations and finally severed ties after our move to [redacted]. Matt Chandler does not get involved unless it involves friends of his or friends of friends of his. Leaving this "church" was the best thing we ever did. It is a Mars Hill Train wreck waiting to happen. Jesus told us to be vigilant for a reason. Our three month time out was crazy. At our first meeting Steve asked us if we knew why we were there and both of us said uh, no. Down hill from there.
Story 3:
Even if Karen had continued to meet with them, I highly doubt The Village would have "sided with her.” Once The Village takes a stand on something, they very rarely concede. I have been in numerous meetings with the pastors mentioned in Karen's story and I have been met with the same "let us care for you" jargon. I was told repeatedly that because of my sin I was unable to make wise decisions and I needed to rely on the church to “guide and care for me." I was placed under church discipline for a period because I “continue[d] to be a threat to [my] own safety and are unable to keep with the fruits of the spirit."
The Village continuously uses the phrase "care for you" when they really want to control the narrative and act as a savior. Because I was not healing on their timeline or in the way they saw fit I was placed under discipline so that my "recovery" could be closely monitored and measured. When medical help was suggested I was told that someone from the church would need to come with me so they "could ask the doctor questions and figure out what the best plan is for moving forward." It is not hard to make someone believe what you want them to. I was not better, but I sure made the pastors think I was because I was sick of the meetings and check ins and follow ups.
I am grateful to be on a path toward healing now, but don't for one minute think that Jordan Root is being honest when he claims has not abused a child physically. That would be both naive and dangerous. It seems that the phrase "its ok to not be okay" that is thrown around like confetti in Village circles is used frequently to prey upon vulnerable and broken people. The pastors and staff at the church are not the only ones with a savior mentality, it is pervasive throughout Village culture. I was their project, and I wasn't "fixed" fast enough, so CHURCH DISCIPLINE. I wasn't to be trusted with making wise decisions (or controlling the narrative of my own story) so enter stage left The Village staff to make those decisions for me.